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| "Why just read a book about tide pools? We take it to the beach." Georgina Saldana Jones @Montherhood/Home-schooling |
Sitting at my desk on the 28th of April, a spark burst inside of me, from deep within my soul. I found myself face to face with the question How do you inspire your children?
I cannot say this minute what necessarily triggered this. Perhaps it was the myriad of "Mothers' Day" themed ads - everywhere! The daily texts from my mobile provider was enough to keep one overly aware. The fact could be that I was really groping to find an upswing to keep my momentum going in the wake of my recently crashed system. Well, what do you know the question was more than a welcomed distraction. All I knew is that I just had to keep going and anything that triggered my inspiration was way more than welcomed.
There were goals, objectives and production timelines to meet. With the school year winding down (spanning two schools - a month to go in one case) , I had to stay abreast of what's happening at school for my three children: attend a graduating class meeting, figure out how I was going to wing a bumblebee costume for an upcoming spring play and keep a high schooler motivated to finish his first year strong. Most definitely, this goes for all three. This is what I've taken the time to mention. It IS PLENTY!
Regardless of the fact that my system crashed on the opening day of the first test series in Antigua after 7 years, while I was chaperoning 4 children at the game - seems neither here nor there or was it in fact a sign. Adding the rest of "what's happening", would be Whole-tun. Colloquially speaking - PLENTY TINGS AH GWAAN.
I have been blessed with an inspiring circle of women: sister mothers, mothering figures and as life would chance it, we often pondered on certain aspects of life, our children's lives and the changes that we see happening globally. We often times come to one resolve, it will all pass. However for the moment, we must make the most of what we and our children engage in. We must be aware as much as we can of our and their surroundings and ensure as much in our power that we are all in a healthy place while carving out our particular niche. Sometimes the pace set for us (due to our children's lives) and the pace we at times get caught up in pursuing our own goals or fulfilling the desires of others, would simply be defined as maddening. The Solution - Pull Breaks! Now!
I became really impressed to invite other mothers to be a part of this publishing. Some were immediately excited by the question, thrilled that they were asked to focus on themselves. Others were not keen at all for unknown reasons, while some reflected on the question but much preferred to keep their insights to themselves. Of those that I had follow up chats with, it was indicated that they simply did not have the time to spare - for themselves 5, 10, 15 minutes that may be required for a 200 word snapshot. For some, the commitment plate was simply and understandably way too full. Try keeping plans for an upcoming wedding organised, while studying for exams, atop mothering and work. What a mountain to climb! Every mother knows the major fiasco that can unfold when you just want to do this one little thing. Turns out that I was not the only one being deterred by a crashed computer system. Archer Girl, I got you!!!!
One of my very own Godmothers is fastidiously known for not having a spare second for herself. My boys were recently amazed that she attended two Sunday services, both at cross country points from the other. I remarked that one of her close cousins who now lives overseas, would not be surprised that she's the same way after all the years she has tried to talk her into going at a steadier pace. With such a bent of selflessness there's no way she could be any other way - as long as she can help it. She is without a doubt one of the women I tip my hat off to and do stand back with amazement and of course much bafflement as to how her undertakings are even possible.
The submissions received are for most a rare moment of a turning to self and are as penned by each contributor with the exception of one for whom I produced a cameo (you'll learn why).
Each woman's story beneath the surface captures the strength, heart and soul of women who triumph at motherhood everyday in their unique way. I thank them for their contribution and the encouragement they will bring to other mothers. Ladies you rock! Have a Fabulous Mothers Day!
----
Before I asked you, I asked Me...
Wow! They, more than anyone or anything else have inspired me!
Raising three boys have certainly proven to be an adventure and thank God I love those.
Every day presents new challenges to see them from their point of view, to see them from mine and others and to ensure that a bridge remains firmly in place to keep them and me moving forward to the definition of who they are right now and who they want to be.
Me, seeing them in the now, is not acceptable to them, on some of the occasions when they may need correction and I have to stand my ground. Gosh, I didn’t know that I could be this tough! Somehow that “Balls It! torch” of my Massiah Farrell family upbringing, got passed while I was running forward and I’m just pressing to complete my portion of this long distance relay.
They’ve really caused me to not only grow into myself but to more wholly accept myself. To at all times, meet me where I want to be before expecting anyone else to. To stand up, speak up and stick up for myself, in short, to not be an easy pushover. These lessons I want to be and trust will be of grounding inspiration to them. ¥
- Leila Athill – Because Love said Yes!, Antigua
-----
How do you inspire your child?
"You can do it!" always works especially when you take the time out to work alongside the child. No child should be left behind because parents just simply give up or are too busy. Our children are slipping through the cracks because mom and dad are too busy. Keep at it with the child. Encourage the child and do it with a smile. God bless. ¥
Sandra Graham - Tutor/Director Back2Basics Academic Club
Parent of 2 Launched Young Adults, Antigua
----
She's not done! There are days when she thinks that she is, however she is not. She is known to be not just an achiever but an exceeder in all facets of her life. She is one of those rare people who I would define as an Archer!
A regular day lead to an intuitive trip to the ER where she learned that she had to stay for an aneurysm surgery that would mark and mar the daily decisions of her life.
A few months into recovery and being guarded, careful and watchful she picked up her career. A regular day, in what would be a regular meeting, highlighted one of the things that you will only know if you are walking the same road; that the headaches (everyday word for a not everyday feeling) would come out of nowhere. It was one of the times that I thanked God for what I encountered and sometimes still do (yet thankfully not to the severity that she has had to undergo it) as I was then able to offer some guidance in the adjustment of her pace to what to this newer, slower, greatly different life would require and to what will for sometime be a daily unchartered course.
I am thankful without any definitive that can be understood, that she understands "how I felt" and "how I still feel on occasion."
Simple things do take herculean effort from the brain and IS quite an emotional, mental and physical drain. What is often seen on the outside is the pretty - the effort and the pain of the effort, is seldom grasped.
Her fulfilled dream of becoming a birthing mother - of twins - is a miracle and testament of the strength and determination of the human spirit. As she faces the daily struggle over the loss of her career and the hopes she had in that regard, She Inspires her twin boy and girl, a host of others and me, to be, feel, receive and appreciate the blessing of just being.
I cannot say this minute what necessarily triggered this. Perhaps it was the myriad of "Mothers' Day" themed ads - everywhere! The daily texts from my mobile provider was enough to keep one overly aware. The fact could be that I was really groping to find an upswing to keep my momentum going in the wake of my recently crashed system. Well, what do you know the question was more than a welcomed distraction. All I knew is that I just had to keep going and anything that triggered my inspiration was way more than welcomed.
There were goals, objectives and production timelines to meet. With the school year winding down (spanning two schools - a month to go in one case) , I had to stay abreast of what's happening at school for my three children: attend a graduating class meeting, figure out how I was going to wing a bumblebee costume for an upcoming spring play and keep a high schooler motivated to finish his first year strong. Most definitely, this goes for all three. This is what I've taken the time to mention. It IS PLENTY!
Regardless of the fact that my system crashed on the opening day of the first test series in Antigua after 7 years, while I was chaperoning 4 children at the game - seems neither here nor there or was it in fact a sign. Adding the rest of "what's happening", would be Whole-tun. Colloquially speaking - PLENTY TINGS AH GWAAN.
I have been blessed with an inspiring circle of women: sister mothers, mothering figures and as life would chance it, we often pondered on certain aspects of life, our children's lives and the changes that we see happening globally. We often times come to one resolve, it will all pass. However for the moment, we must make the most of what we and our children engage in. We must be aware as much as we can of our and their surroundings and ensure as much in our power that we are all in a healthy place while carving out our particular niche. Sometimes the pace set for us (due to our children's lives) and the pace we at times get caught up in pursuing our own goals or fulfilling the desires of others, would simply be defined as maddening. The Solution - Pull Breaks! Now!
I became really impressed to invite other mothers to be a part of this publishing. Some were immediately excited by the question, thrilled that they were asked to focus on themselves. Others were not keen at all for unknown reasons, while some reflected on the question but much preferred to keep their insights to themselves. Of those that I had follow up chats with, it was indicated that they simply did not have the time to spare - for themselves 5, 10, 15 minutes that may be required for a 200 word snapshot. For some, the commitment plate was simply and understandably way too full. Try keeping plans for an upcoming wedding organised, while studying for exams, atop mothering and work. What a mountain to climb! Every mother knows the major fiasco that can unfold when you just want to do this one little thing. Turns out that I was not the only one being deterred by a crashed computer system. Archer Girl, I got you!!!!
One of my very own Godmothers is fastidiously known for not having a spare second for herself. My boys were recently amazed that she attended two Sunday services, both at cross country points from the other. I remarked that one of her close cousins who now lives overseas, would not be surprised that she's the same way after all the years she has tried to talk her into going at a steadier pace. With such a bent of selflessness there's no way she could be any other way - as long as she can help it. She is without a doubt one of the women I tip my hat off to and do stand back with amazement and of course much bafflement as to how her undertakings are even possible.
The submissions received are for most a rare moment of a turning to self and are as penned by each contributor with the exception of one for whom I produced a cameo (you'll learn why).
Each woman's story beneath the surface captures the strength, heart and soul of women who triumph at motherhood everyday in their unique way. I thank them for their contribution and the encouragement they will bring to other mothers. Ladies you rock! Have a Fabulous Mothers Day!
----
Before I asked you, I asked Me...
Wow! They, more than anyone or anything else have inspired me!
Raising three boys have certainly proven to be an adventure and thank God I love those.
Every day presents new challenges to see them from their point of view, to see them from mine and others and to ensure that a bridge remains firmly in place to keep them and me moving forward to the definition of who they are right now and who they want to be.
Me, seeing them in the now, is not acceptable to them, on some of the occasions when they may need correction and I have to stand my ground. Gosh, I didn’t know that I could be this tough! Somehow that “Balls It! torch” of my Massiah Farrell family upbringing, got passed while I was running forward and I’m just pressing to complete my portion of this long distance relay.
They’ve really caused me to not only grow into myself but to more wholly accept myself. To at all times, meet me where I want to be before expecting anyone else to. To stand up, speak up and stick up for myself, in short, to not be an easy pushover. These lessons I want to be and trust will be of grounding inspiration to them. ¥
- Leila Athill – Because Love said Yes!, Antigua
-----
How do you inspire your child?
"You can do it!" always works especially when you take the time out to work alongside the child. No child should be left behind because parents just simply give up or are too busy. Our children are slipping through the cracks because mom and dad are too busy. Keep at it with the child. Encourage the child and do it with a smile. God bless. ¥
Sandra Graham - Tutor/Director Back2Basics Academic Club
Parent of 2 Launched Young Adults, Antigua
----
She's not done! There are days when she thinks that she is, however she is not. She is known to be not just an achiever but an exceeder in all facets of her life. She is one of those rare people who I would define as an Archer!
A regular day lead to an intuitive trip to the ER where she learned that she had to stay for an aneurysm surgery that would mark and mar the daily decisions of her life.
A few months into recovery and being guarded, careful and watchful she picked up her career. A regular day, in what would be a regular meeting, highlighted one of the things that you will only know if you are walking the same road; that the headaches (everyday word for a not everyday feeling) would come out of nowhere. It was one of the times that I thanked God for what I encountered and sometimes still do (yet thankfully not to the severity that she has had to undergo it) as I was then able to offer some guidance in the adjustment of her pace to what to this newer, slower, greatly different life would require and to what will for sometime be a daily unchartered course.
I am thankful without any definitive that can be understood, that she understands "how I felt" and "how I still feel on occasion."
Simple things do take herculean effort from the brain and IS quite an emotional, mental and physical drain. What is often seen on the outside is the pretty - the effort and the pain of the effort, is seldom grasped.
Her fulfilled dream of becoming a birthing mother - of twins - is a miracle and testament of the strength and determination of the human spirit. As she faces the daily struggle over the loss of her career and the hopes she had in that regard, She Inspires her twin boy and girl, a host of others and me, to be, feel, receive and appreciate the blessing of just being.
One health provider said to me in the midst of my own trial "not because you are not wearing a bandage does not mean the break isn't there. Most times this will be hard for others to understand. ..." He's been right. Being accustomed to going at a particular pace, she sometimes forget what she has to work with now. As Dee makes her adjustments I and everyone else in her circle must remember. More than anyone else, she has to be mindful even at times when she would rather forget.
As she celebrates her 2nd Mothers Day, I am brought to such a state of humility as I recall her journey alongside mine and the simple blessing of life since. I AM INSPIRED BY HER to face each day doing as much as I can with my every will and effort knowing with tears in my eyes and heart that just having my words flow together in a composition is a grand accomplishment. Dee defines motherhood!
- Dee Massiah - Loving Life, USA
A reflection on her behalf by Leila Athill
---------
How Do You Inspire Your Children? How do you inspire your children? While pondering on that question, another one pops up. What is it to inspire? Well there are several schools of thought including: something that will arouse a certain feeling or reaction in someone; to exert a stimulating or beneficial effect upon a person; simply put- to motivate.
Parents have the potential to motivate their children. This can be done directly or indirectly; intentionally or unintentionally. Children look up to their parents as mentors and role models. We help to shape, mold and modify their actions and behaviors. The values which we instill or do not instill in them will go a long way in determining how our children think, feel and act.
There are so many ways in which parents can inspire children but today we will focus on just a few. We must take into consideration that a holistic approach is important therefore in implementing our strategies we should cater to their physical, spiritual and emotional needs. Give your children a reason to be motivated and to boost their self-esteem. Avoid unnecessary criticism or negative behaviour. Praise them for efforts made.
You can ask them to critique their own input or each other’s input on various matters and then you make the final analysis. Simultaneously, you should give each child a reason to feel proud of himself or herself even though you may have to make corrections. Always do things in a way that will evoke a positive impact or effect. Constant criticism, insults or lack of attention can demotivate children.
Positive reinforcement is encouraged. Children are very happy when they are rewarded or commended for their efforts. For instance, if they are taken out for pizza for having a good report card, then they will make a positive effort to work hard in school. Or if cleaning their room means going to the beach on the weekend, they will be motivated to keep it clean. Show appreciation and encourage them when they have done something worthwhile. Sometimes just a compliment will make their day. They will be more confident and this will help to decrease negative behaviour.
When you are not pleased with something let them know as well. This will help them to strive to do it better next time.
Children have different personalities and characteristics therefore the parents should attend to the child in the most appropriate way. Entertain and encourage their questions. Facilitate their critical thinking skills as well. They will amaze you. Let your children know how special they are and how much you love them. They can’t hear it too often.
Bedtime stories are not limited to but consist of Bible stories in our home. The children are usually very receptive at this time and they ask a lot of questions. It affords the opportunity to instill good Christian values and to teach them right from wrong.
Teaching your children how to practice good hygiene is fundamental. Covering their nose/mouth if they cough or sneeze, regular hand-washing these are basic hygiene principles which if practiced can help reduce the spread of germs or communicable diseases. Littering should also be prohibited.
We have a refuse bin in our car so the children have learnt from an early age that refuse goes into the bin, not on the floor or out the window. This took some getting used to but now, it gives a sense of satisfaction listening to their disgust whenever they see someone littering or if they relate how they had to teach another child how to cover their nose or mouth when coughing or sneezing.I usually smile knowing that learning has taken place.
Take the time to inspire your children. When we inspire our children, they can in turn become an inspiration to others.
Kaye Tomlinson - Professional Nurse & mother of 3 primary school aged girls
Currently pursuing a nursing degree in Jamaica
away from home and the girls in Antigua ...
-----
I have inspired my children to be self sufficient. At first I was a mother hen, but as my children have gotten older I have realized that I need to let go so that they can become independent women.
I was always doing this and that for them, until one day they began asking how they can help. So I started with letting them clean their room and tidy up behind themselves.
By doing little chores, my girls have become very independent and now at 5 and 6, I don’t have to do as much for them as I use to. They can dress themselves, tidy up their room, help tidy up the house, wash up dishes, sweep, bathe themselves, feed themselves by making sandwiches or cereal and help in any other way that they see fit.
My girls have learned that in life you need to earn what you want. Not just ask and you received but work hard and you get good results. Now my girls know that getting 100% in school entitles them to good rewards.
My prayer is that they will become and continue to be very strong independent your ladies. ¥
- Sherry, mother of 2, Antigua
------
My Mom is a very simple person she doesn’t like to be put in the spotlight so to have her put into words how she inspires her children, proved to be quite challenging. However; in light of the topic I will put on paper my observations of her and why she is an inspiration to others as in her own way, she will not be confined to just her children. :)
Mom was raised in a humble home with wonderful parents. She attributes who she is and what she has become, to her mother and father who were always there for them. She speaks of her parents highly; as people who never compromised self for fame or fortune.
Godly discipline and values were instilled in her at a tender age and church life was first and foremost. God was thought to be the centre of her life and it was instilled in us and those around her.
She was encouraged to love family and be supportive of them. The family home, no matter where they lived was always open to everyone. Her work habits were always of honesty, integrity, hard-work and to be self worthy. Very early on she let us know that father has, mother has and God blesses the child who has his own. She spoke of being honest and telling the truth at all cost. Manners takes you through life is her mantra.
Mom has always been a good mother and wife. She has always been supportive in all that we do as a family; many times with untold sacrifices with only love as the reward. Inspiration is her, without a second, minute or hours thought. Mom has always encouraged us to put God first in our lives, to get a good education, to learn a trade or skill and to choose careers and mates that make us happy in life.
Mom is ambitious. With a quiet disposition, she has managed to obtain a few things in life by working hard, being disciplined and putting away for a rainy day. Her children all have benefited from her savings. She has always encouraged her kids to align themselves with people who are able to motivate them, to choose friends wisely, to be helpful, kind and considerate.
Mom is a giver and is always willing to make sacrifices to those in need. She always reminds us of how blessed she is. Her house, like her parents, is always open to anyone who genuinely needs help. Being very well respected by her peers, even though retired, is something that makes us her children proud of her. They always speak of her good work habits and ethics, her leadership qualities, and her willingness to teach those who want to be taught.
Young people are always eager to let us know our mom is a special and wonderful person. She moves beyond her comfort zone to reach young people: offering words of advice, discourages them from a life of crime, encourages them to be ambitious, to work towards a goal and to make good decisions that may alter the rest of their lives.
Mom’s inspiration is not from riches untold, or un-spoken eloquence but simply because she is very humble and in the eyes of many it’s a rare commodity.
I pray and hope that in all things, I capture and release my mother's inspired wisdom as I now raise my daughter. Being fully dedicated (read here decided not to pursue my passions until ...) to her school life, - and being presented with a very heavy Grade 4 workload - I used the only spare moment I had to assist my mom with her submission. Here's hoping that my devotion and commitment, to whatever I take on, will be part of the legacy of inspiration that is captured by my daughter. I certainly hope so. ¥
- Che - Diplomatic Aide - Philip James Family
My daughter IS what I'm doing right now, Antigua
-----
Today, I looked at my children, as they slept, as
they played, as they were in their element, completely oblivious to the fact
that they were being watched. As I sat there, I thought to myself how priceless
this moment was, and that it would never happen again, this date, this time,
would never happen again.
Looking at life from this perspective, I got to
thinking of the question Leila asked, How do you inspire your children? Here is
my answer:
By encouraging their creativity. My children love arts and crafts, I
don’t know if it is the sheer joy of creating something or chance to make a
mess! We sometimes, bring out the art supplies and I allow them to paint or
craft something together. I want to inspire them to use creativity in their
daily lives, not simply to paint, but to forge their own paths.
By allowing them
to be independent I am teaching my children to be independent, by allowing them
the space to try things on their own, the chance to solve their own problems
and teaching them to clean up after themselves. I take a step back and allow
them to do age appropriate things for themselves, but always ask their
permission before jumping in to help. I want to inspire my children to take
personal responsibility in whatever environment they live or work and also to
be the captain of their destiny.
By creating an open and loving space for them.
Even at such a young age, my children do ask for “privacy”, when using the
restroom. When they do, I simply walk out and close the door. My children are
told that they are loved, but also shown that they are loved by giving them the
right to their own body and their own space. This kind of environment fosters
confidence in them.
I want my children to grow up to be loving and also
respectful of others. ¥
- Tenessia Hughes - Embracing the Dynamics of the Caribbean
Raising Children between Antigua & St. Lucia- Tenessia Hughes - Embracing the Dynamics of the Caribbean
----- As a mother of three children, the two oldest being twins, I am always eager to ensure that everything is split evenly; money, time and love. My brain tells me that it’s impossible, but my heart tells me that with more than one child, the chances of one feeling less favored is a possibility.
As a mother, my biggest role is to groom them to be productive members of society, and for me that entails ensuring that they have a happy childhood. Being a mother is not a job, per se. It is a state of being, one that I take very seriously.
As the biggest and most important event that I have undertaken, my hope is that with equal gifts, they will produce equal results.
So how do I inspire my children?
I allow them to think for themselves. I encourage them to envision their futures. I allow them to err, then point out the errors so that they can aim higher. I inquire about what makes them happy. I inspire them to follow their dreams, no matter how many times they change because ultimately achieving happiness is doing exactly what one aspires to do. ¥
- Myra Francis, CEO of Francis, Inc. USA
-------
Adventure Time!
Leaving my Antiguan nest at the age of seventeen to join the United States Air Force, I was destined for adventure. Basic training, technical training, and my first duty station were all very exciting experiences for me. My career as a military photographer became my passion.
After only being in service for about two years, I got married and then six months later, I was expecting my first child. Being an active duty couple meant that at any given time, my husband and I could be deployed. This was a burden I did not want to place on my child so I separated. My passion changed. Living away from Antigua cost luxuries such as loving relatives.
I tried the traditional way of living but it doesn't work for our family. Daycare failed my son when they allowed him to play outdoors on a freezing day. This brought me to the decision to leave my new job as the electronics assistant and become a childcare provider.
A few years later, I enrolled my son in a private school and I was fortunate to get a job at the sister preschool. Everything was fine except my son never seemed happy when I picked him up from school. I kept telling myself that he would eventually like it and besides there was no way I could afford to stay home while expecting a second child and the public schools were overrun by bullies.
One day while dancing with preschoolers, I was notified to come to the office. A million thoughts raced through my head. Me? Why are they calling me? There he sat in the office...dazed. After hearing he was injured on the playground, I was furious! I rushed him to the ER immediately where we were then driven to a children's hospital. My son had a concussion! I felt so helpless and although I heard rumors of people home schooling, I couldn't do that. Right?
Not long after, it happened again. He was injured on the playground. This time there was no concussion but the principal dared suggest that he wear a helmet. That was it! With no plans or the slightest idea of what would happen in the next five minutes, my husband and I removed him from the school.
I began researching as soon as we got home. Home schooling. It turned out that there was a virtual public school and hundreds of Arizona residents had children enrolled. I did not hesitate and a few weeks later, the free books, computer, and printer arrived. I resigned from my job and a new chapter of our adventure began. My son was learning so much. Things I never knew until high school. From Ancient History to Famous Artists of the Renaissance. I was impressed and he was happy.
We have moved since then and live in Okinawa now and continue to home school. This time, I choose the curriculums that best suit my children's individual learning styles. So we are no longer part of a school.
All four of my children enjoy spending time together as a family without the hassles of getting sick at school, the bullies, the last minute things to buy etc. Now, if you're concerned that they are going to grow up to be weirdos who do not know how to socialize, worry not.
We meet with other home-schoolers on a regular basis. We have the opportunity to not just read about something, but to see it in person. Why just read a book about tide pools? We take it to the beach. I have also studied to be a teacher, which I am. I do not feel like I need twenty five students or a place in a school to feel like one. I have absolutely no regrets, the box did not fit so we broke it open! I encourage my children to do this. ¥
- Georgina Saldana Jones - A 5'2", 102lb Home schooling Mom/Teacher, Japan
----
Today's mothers are endeavouring, achieving and have soared despite the fact that some have been widowed or lost children all too soon. Imagine coming through a tumultuous marriage, divorce or relationship, a personal health crisis even a fledging career while having to keep it all together for the sake of their young children. Many have held their wings quite close to their sides so they can be readily available to parents, extended family, spouses/partners and their own children. Some have to face their challenges while changing home base every couple of months or so.
All in all, what all mothers come to know at some point, whether at the stage their abdomen begins to expand, when they can no longer polish their toes themselves, when the reality of the pain of childbirth sets in, or the careful steps of adjustments that have to be made after cesarean section, or when the breasts have swollen hard but the milk won't flow or when a nice 34B is no longer shelved on that aisle anymore, though for over 9 months the cup size exceeded the former 34B. At whatever point of the spectrum ... What all mothers come to know tremendously is SACRIFICE ... Sacrifice of SELF!
Even at times when it's not intentional it's there ... Sacrifice. Even in simply doing the best for your children. Society expects us to. Children expect us to and in reality there are those children no matter how old they are that expect a mother to be there and more there for them than they require of their fathers, even at times when they themselves confess that with their father there is a more agreeable relationship.
There are those children, adult children, that expect a mother to shelve her life in deference to what's happening in theirs. So where did it come from - this expectation that at times become a tragic expectation for a mother to always be there lovingly and protectively (regardless of whatever personal frustrations she may be facing or goals being achieved) and never failing her children to have them only take flight to at times forget her very existence.
At times we become eager to see the fruit of the lesson(s), yet we must continue to nurture. We must let them go so many times before they become adults and we must be ready to hold them (read assist in molding them) when they require us to. Sometimes we may throw down the "oh now you want me" when the counsel of our words have landed on deaf ears, only to be followed later by the request for us to help right a wrong. This latter from them takes courage and we must recognize this too. Lessons are like that. At times they are only cemented when painstakingly learned. For whatever reasons, some children need that as their canvas to a forthcoming masterpiece.
Motherhood is as unique as each child is, which is why Mothers need to be allowed their firm (not harsh) parenting strategy. When she smells rain, and tells you it's going to rain, believe her. Siblings often times mistake "unique relationship" for favour, while screaming that "I'm different" to him/her. What a quandary! My children know that each of them is my favourite. In case they may get it a bit twisted at times, I ask each individually to ensure that we are on the same page. The verdict is in. This is a sealed case. Regardless of any nonsense they may whisper to themselves in a moment of self pity, the verdict is in!! LOL
Out of this, I would wish every mother the time to embrace herself before asking or expecting anyone else to. To be quietly confident in the fact that you do matter and that though your every effort may not translate to your children (or anyone else for that matter) the way you intended, that indeed you have inspired them in some enormous and significant way. It is for you to bring home to your child(ren) that women/mothers are not to be taken for granted. This begins with YOU!
In no way, because you don't see it yet or they don't get it yet, does it mean that it hasn't taken root. A bamboo shoot becomes firmly rooted before it grows to an average of 45 feet above ground. It is why we must then endeavour to ensure that we are more lovingly blessing our children than harshly chiding as the latter more often produces stunted growth. They WILL come up in time .. and not everyone at the same time either.
This Mothers' day, I'm full of joy, though without my boys. Consider it a divine twist of faith that coincides with past sentiments expressed to have this day completely to myself. I don't need them to overly surround me in tribute of me being their mother. It's okay. I got me! :) In fact, quite sometime before the advent of each of their births (prior to any known pregnancy) when their names found their way into my heart, I was already their mother. My "state of being" was already echoed - motherhood! I am DOING this!
What putting together this article and past years have emphasized, is that as a mother one has to be way more than prepared to face challenges alone. One must know how to be alone and how to cultivate aloneness, for the day will come when it's not choice at work but acceptance. I trust this acceptance will mark the successful launch of each child as he/she takes flight.
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