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| "it was a GREAT BIG GIFT that day MEETING HER" images © CANDID | Blaire R. Athilljonas |
It was an unlikely meeting for me that day. Even though I'd tucked it away somewhere, that one of these days I'm going to meet this girl ... this girl who over 15 years later, he told me he couldn't recall who that might have been. Yet when I was encouraged to turn back for him, he had turned back for her. Ha!
That was more than likely the corner stone of my foundation of thought that there is just too much drama in teenage romance. Better to foster friendships, watch how people evolve and have your pick or say yes or no to who picks you ... Depending. :)
I mean after all it was just two weeks ago I said, "ok ... yes" to the guy. How was I to know that this was to be followed by the frenzy of things heating up at home. My sister chicks were already testing their wings on the boyfriend scene and things weren't all fantastic with the folks on that front. You want to see parents of girl children nerves go to shreds? Enter the opposite sex. For some just the birth of a girl child turns them grey.
Now in a household where the parental queue up was pretty much four (4) on average, you can imagine how tense it can get. Even though you would have managed to get one in your corner, there was still 3 to go. Geeze Louise!!!! Being the one usually last off the ledge, I was not about to have my feathers plucked from my scant adventures into lime and party land. Factor in an aunt who seemed more than buoyantly over anxious to spill the beans she'd gotten wind of through a cousin, and anxiety is through the roof ... Mine! No sah, I lettered him up saying we have to cool this. This boat has to be docked at Friendship alley ... for the time being! Who needs such stress. (wipes brow)
A girlfriend talking your earS off daily, especially when we all got off the bus from college for that walk through town, can wear you down. So, turn back I did, per her wear down. Well the dude made his decision and I just thanked God that I was the wiser for not hanging out the banner as I'd observed the other girls doing. I forged and delighted in my friendships. This became way more than enough for me. This also served as one of my personal lessons in trusting my own instincts.
Now in a household where the parental queue up was pretty much four (4) on average, you can imagine how tense it can get. Even though you would have managed to get one in your corner, there was still 3 to go. Geeze Louise!!!! Being the one usually last off the ledge, I was not about to have my feathers plucked from my scant adventures into lime and party land. Factor in an aunt who seemed more than buoyantly over anxious to spill the beans she'd gotten wind of through a cousin, and anxiety is through the roof ... Mine! No sah, I lettered him up saying we have to cool this. This boat has to be docked at Friendship alley ... for the time being! Who needs such stress. (wipes brow)
A girlfriend talking your earS off daily, especially when we all got off the bus from college for that walk through town, can wear you down. So, turn back I did, per her wear down. Well the dude made his decision and I just thanked God that I was the wiser for not hanging out the banner as I'd observed the other girls doing. I forged and delighted in my friendships. This became way more than enough for me. This also served as one of my personal lessons in trusting my own instincts.
Never mind the rumours that I had 9 boyfriends at once on the same college compound. Seriously! And live where? Certainly not at #1x Farrell's Ave. However, I can very well picture the scene of me standing amongst a group of guys - let's say 10 - LOL - while we argued some point. Add to this, the mornings when I was pestered (think Greased Lightning) into sitting next to an engineering fellow or conceded to sitting across his lap when the school bus was full, as we journeyed from the East Bus Station.
There was also that time during first year, when a group of girls from the commercial department (all from a rival girls' school) decided to try and gang me for daring to speak to the supposed boyfriend of one of them. My "keep walking, I've got no time for nonsense" stance was already in stride when one stepped forward to tell me not to bother with the others. She need not have told me. That fella stood sheepishly by, quite taken aback, as we were just becoming acquainted. Thing is, the guy - not even if he tried - couldn't hide the fact of who's company he was in as he was one of the few that stuck out like a sore thumb due to his height. So truly what was their worry? Innocence, I tell you!
So I held out. Held out I did, for a boyfriend until I actually graduated college and then still sometime after that. When I went out day or night it was either with a girlfriend or a group (girls or boys, sometimes mixed) and on my side just fun and enjoyment. Other times I had the added body guard companionship of my uncles and at times I was theirs. LOLS.
Sure I had my crushes, mostly kept to myself. Advances I received, were often told "nope I'm not interested in a bf/gf relationship". Behind the scenes though, I stayed observant and alert. Who IS/WAS dating whom, when did they break up, how many times have they gotten back together, hmmmm wait and see if they get back together.
In all of this I was looking for neither significance or popularity. I simply nurtured a very low tolerance for drama. One had to be astute as to who the info was coming from 'cause maaaan, those guys! YESSSSS! Bingo ... Not me tarl - glad I did not get mixed up in that. No triangles for me siree, no land mines ... as long as I could help it.
Then if you were of the beer drinking crowd and being a beer drinker was a way to prove your manhood ... Nope nope nope. Being drunk / getting drunk was never ever my cup of tea, much less the stress and strain that came with friends (boys and girls) who were. To date I am yet to see the fun in it. I actually kissed a fellow once and beer (I think Guiness was his brand) was all I could remember, ... the overpowering smell of it. That night he got the no, nothing further from me siree axe. FRIENDS - laughs and all. Years later he told me just how much he admired me then and thought I was too "mature minded" (read here he wouldn't have covered much "base", but it was worth a shot) for my age. In my opinion, our idea of fun was just packaged differently. #CrisisAvertedYouThink?
I didn't even like the taste of beer then and would you believe that goes way back to my primary school days when I was offered some by a classmate. Yep, someone got careless at the school fete while running the bar. Just putting it to my lips proved it wasn't my choice of taste. To this day I shake my head at the thought of how he managed to get it but will concede, "boys will be boys". Aquiring the taste for it came sixteen (16) years later. Can you say Carib beer! Home-made shandy please and thank you.
Post ASC, some friends and I ended up in NY at the same time, along with one of my gal-pal cousins. We rolled out the same way we did in Antigua. They were great guys who brought their home training abroad. Often times we arranged meetups to stroll Manhattan or go to the movies. They met us either at the train station closest to our place - mind you, we're not staying in the same county - or at the theatre. Let's say Queens to Bronx. When our lime was over they took us back, sometimes walking us up to our Apartment. We being equally concerned for their safety and having also packed our home training, admonished them to call us when they got in. Lol ... Sometimes 2 hours later while we are all tucked in and snuggled in bed we would get the call that they just got in. Chivalry was still then very much a high flying kite. The days of this era had their high points for sure. :)
Now this fella that is really THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE STORY, was state-side too. We kept in touch on the phone with the occasional call. He was in university with head very buried which we all understood considering his undertaking. To this day I recall our exact last conversation. Afterwards, he just seemed to fade more and more into the background as I sojourned to and fro between the US and Antigua. We fell out of touch. Completely.
Over the years, whenever, I'd ask a then mutual friend about him, it would be expressed that he was still smarting over some incident that left me asking "whaaaat?" "Nooooo" ... "Laughs". All inferences that he should get in touch with me or for me to have his contacts so that I could set the record straight, went unmet. In all the years, I ran into him once at a wedding. I dare say that this meet-up was somewhat marred by my trip down the rabbit hole (it's coming) for not much was said.
But who would have thunk it, that over a decade and some later, a night run to the supermarket and there he was with these spurred up boots coming towards me. SMH! That night, for a whole bunch of other reasons, is etched in the history book. Surprised as I were (pleasantly so though), we exchanged greetings and I left him with his two buddies from ASC days who he was out with for the night.
Over the next few years fate intercepted and we navigated our patchy friendship. As we reminisced and mulled over, dissected and hammered away at some events that marred the years, SHE came up jokingly as I ribbed him. As I cleared my side of the fence, he threw his head back and laughed as I shook mine. Oh yes, he was clever. Yet I stayed sharp. I just hummed. A needle is best found in a haystack when you are not looking for it.
FAST FORWARD! So, as I approached her to drop something off - I had a name, no face, I was put on to her by a mutual friend. Her name rang no bells for me but I set off a whole heap of alarms for her, as apparently, there was ONLY ONE ME!!! She asked "You're Leila Athill?" A hint of something in her voice told me that there was more behind the question that had very little to do with my reason for meeting her that day. I kept my smile being all cordial, I replied, "yes." Now, she pointedly gave her name ... Zap, Nada, Rien, Nothing! I shook her hand ... She mentioned his ... It quickly unravelled. My smile turned to a laughter and I held her hand more firmly and longer - still laughing - affirming MY PLEASURE to FINALLY MEET HER.
As a good couple of minutes went by anyone seeing us would have sworn we were lifelong friends and in a twisted way, we were in some way already acquainted because of "him". Imagine two school girls hooting and hollering out of breath. US! The world stopped! It was also one of those times, where I was proud of myself for not being curious as to who she was back then. One guy pal did go on and on describing her but nope -- Blank! On the other hand, I was astounded to have learned that she in fact had a lot more of an idea as to who I was. Humourously so!
I take it, I didn't do so well at fading into the background as much as I thought I did. Thinking back to that time period, I only knew of one other person with her name and that was at my high school. To cross over to another school, would have certainly drew me a blank. That meant drama and I much prefer a good laugh ... even if it's delayed 20 years later.
They were together. They meant something to each other, meant more than likely much more to her - we being of the age that grew up on the "Ann of Avonlea" series - book and tv. .. Meant enough to him, enough that he turned back for her ... Though at that age there are lots of unknowns - insecurities and other factors that come in to play - regardless though ... He turned back!
For me, as long as there was another "her" in the picture, even remotely so, I WAS NOT PLAYING. I am gone! There's a wall, mountain, fortress you name it and an impenetrable one to boot. Ice queen they called me - The guys - AND I would not relate the stories of what I would go through if/when I melted. Touché!
I do like to have fun, however, THIS WOMAN and THE GIRL SHE WAS BACK THEN likes to have good, clean, uncomplicated, without hurt to anyone, fun! Growing up my grandmother would shout out to us, "play ball take rubbers!" It meant in a game of rounders / dodge ball, and you didn't want to be hit ... No matter how hard or soft ... Then don't play. Then especially if you do play and you're hit hard don't come complaining to her. Let's just say I didn't like being hit, much less hard, for one I bruise easily. Therefore, I dodged well. Pain and confusion is just not my go to cup of tea.
Now if all the other "players" (whether male or female) adopted this rule of conduct on the court ... We would all say what drama! However, it is some people's cup of tea. A good while back - fine - two decades back, someone who knew I was dating a particular guy chose to go messing about with him, and to this day gives the impression that I wronged her. So much so that while out and about grocery shopping one day, one of my sons asked with alarm, "Mom do you know that lady? ... she's staring at you funny." When I turned around to look, BELLY LAUGHS ... oh yes I did! Nearing Twenty (20) years later, that complex most certainly requires some serious reality check for sure.
Thing is, though I was overseas I was written to and phoned about this progression of events. I called and asked him if it was so and upon his confession, with valid tears in my eyes I said "Thank you, That's it, Game Over, I'm not playing." Some two years later the guy turned back for me at a point where we were renewing our friendship. Though he'd received the sharp warning of "anything more, I am gone" and agreed to this, for some reason, he back pedalled beginning with, "let's", "I'd like us to ...". I on the other hand, having been also schooled by the "once bitten, twice shy" academy, ran fast.
INDEED, it was a GREAT BIG GIFT that day MEETING HER, this girl who couldn't be recalled by my spurred-booted friend. As the laughter subsided some, we spoke of how much the idea of having a boyfriend or girlfriend has changed and what it now means to those who are now at the primary, secondary and college level and their parents (now us - yikes!). We agreed that it's best left to the years or maturity of mind when folks have a better idea of what they want and can assert that. Funny enough, dear dude to a larger extent shares this sentiment.
My added delight comes from the fact that with both of us in 268 at the same time, it made the world a lot smaller. I am proud of the women that we have both become. Prouder of the fact that we could both reach back and piece together a perplexing time and embrace the laughter that unfolded.
Fate would have had us meet after all - when the time is right! And oh how it was!
Now if fate could just throw the three of us together ... now that would be smashing, I know for sure, especially for two of us!!!
There was also that time during first year, when a group of girls from the commercial department (all from a rival girls' school) decided to try and gang me for daring to speak to the supposed boyfriend of one of them. My "keep walking, I've got no time for nonsense" stance was already in stride when one stepped forward to tell me not to bother with the others. She need not have told me. That fella stood sheepishly by, quite taken aback, as we were just becoming acquainted. Thing is, the guy - not even if he tried - couldn't hide the fact of who's company he was in as he was one of the few that stuck out like a sore thumb due to his height. So truly what was their worry? Innocence, I tell you!
So I held out. Held out I did, for a boyfriend until I actually graduated college and then still sometime after that. When I went out day or night it was either with a girlfriend or a group (girls or boys, sometimes mixed) and on my side just fun and enjoyment. Other times I had the added body guard companionship of my uncles and at times I was theirs. LOLS.
Sure I had my crushes, mostly kept to myself. Advances I received, were often told "nope I'm not interested in a bf/gf relationship". Behind the scenes though, I stayed observant and alert. Who IS/WAS dating whom, when did they break up, how many times have they gotten back together, hmmmm wait and see if they get back together.
In all of this I was looking for neither significance or popularity. I simply nurtured a very low tolerance for drama. One had to be astute as to who the info was coming from 'cause maaaan, those guys! YESSSSS! Bingo ... Not me tarl - glad I did not get mixed up in that. No triangles for me siree, no land mines ... as long as I could help it.
Then if you were of the beer drinking crowd and being a beer drinker was a way to prove your manhood ... Nope nope nope. Being drunk / getting drunk was never ever my cup of tea, much less the stress and strain that came with friends (boys and girls) who were. To date I am yet to see the fun in it. I actually kissed a fellow once and beer (I think Guiness was his brand) was all I could remember, ... the overpowering smell of it. That night he got the no, nothing further from me siree axe. FRIENDS - laughs and all. Years later he told me just how much he admired me then and thought I was too "mature minded" (read here he wouldn't have covered much "base", but it was worth a shot) for my age. In my opinion, our idea of fun was just packaged differently. #CrisisAvertedYouThink?
I didn't even like the taste of beer then and would you believe that goes way back to my primary school days when I was offered some by a classmate. Yep, someone got careless at the school fete while running the bar. Just putting it to my lips proved it wasn't my choice of taste. To this day I shake my head at the thought of how he managed to get it but will concede, "boys will be boys". Aquiring the taste for it came sixteen (16) years later. Can you say Carib beer! Home-made shandy please and thank you.
Post ASC, some friends and I ended up in NY at the same time, along with one of my gal-pal cousins. We rolled out the same way we did in Antigua. They were great guys who brought their home training abroad. Often times we arranged meetups to stroll Manhattan or go to the movies. They met us either at the train station closest to our place - mind you, we're not staying in the same county - or at the theatre. Let's say Queens to Bronx. When our lime was over they took us back, sometimes walking us up to our Apartment. We being equally concerned for their safety and having also packed our home training, admonished them to call us when they got in. Lol ... Sometimes 2 hours later while we are all tucked in and snuggled in bed we would get the call that they just got in. Chivalry was still then very much a high flying kite. The days of this era had their high points for sure. :)
Now this fella that is really THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE STORY, was state-side too. We kept in touch on the phone with the occasional call. He was in university with head very buried which we all understood considering his undertaking. To this day I recall our exact last conversation. Afterwards, he just seemed to fade more and more into the background as I sojourned to and fro between the US and Antigua. We fell out of touch. Completely.
Over the years, whenever, I'd ask a then mutual friend about him, it would be expressed that he was still smarting over some incident that left me asking "whaaaat?" "Nooooo" ... "Laughs". All inferences that he should get in touch with me or for me to have his contacts so that I could set the record straight, went unmet. In all the years, I ran into him once at a wedding. I dare say that this meet-up was somewhat marred by my trip down the rabbit hole (it's coming) for not much was said.
But who would have thunk it, that over a decade and some later, a night run to the supermarket and there he was with these spurred up boots coming towards me. SMH! That night, for a whole bunch of other reasons, is etched in the history book. Surprised as I were (pleasantly so though), we exchanged greetings and I left him with his two buddies from ASC days who he was out with for the night.
Over the next few years fate intercepted and we navigated our patchy friendship. As we reminisced and mulled over, dissected and hammered away at some events that marred the years, SHE came up jokingly as I ribbed him. As I cleared my side of the fence, he threw his head back and laughed as I shook mine. Oh yes, he was clever. Yet I stayed sharp. I just hummed. A needle is best found in a haystack when you are not looking for it.
FAST FORWARD! So, as I approached her to drop something off - I had a name, no face, I was put on to her by a mutual friend. Her name rang no bells for me but I set off a whole heap of alarms for her, as apparently, there was ONLY ONE ME!!! She asked "You're Leila Athill?" A hint of something in her voice told me that there was more behind the question that had very little to do with my reason for meeting her that day. I kept my smile being all cordial, I replied, "yes." Now, she pointedly gave her name ... Zap, Nada, Rien, Nothing! I shook her hand ... She mentioned his ... It quickly unravelled. My smile turned to a laughter and I held her hand more firmly and longer - still laughing - affirming MY PLEASURE to FINALLY MEET HER.
As a good couple of minutes went by anyone seeing us would have sworn we were lifelong friends and in a twisted way, we were in some way already acquainted because of "him". Imagine two school girls hooting and hollering out of breath. US! The world stopped! It was also one of those times, where I was proud of myself for not being curious as to who she was back then. One guy pal did go on and on describing her but nope -- Blank! On the other hand, I was astounded to have learned that she in fact had a lot more of an idea as to who I was. Humourously so!
I take it, I didn't do so well at fading into the background as much as I thought I did. Thinking back to that time period, I only knew of one other person with her name and that was at my high school. To cross over to another school, would have certainly drew me a blank. That meant drama and I much prefer a good laugh ... even if it's delayed 20 years later.
They were together. They meant something to each other, meant more than likely much more to her - we being of the age that grew up on the "Ann of Avonlea" series - book and tv. .. Meant enough to him, enough that he turned back for her ... Though at that age there are lots of unknowns - insecurities and other factors that come in to play - regardless though ... He turned back!
For me, as long as there was another "her" in the picture, even remotely so, I WAS NOT PLAYING. I am gone! There's a wall, mountain, fortress you name it and an impenetrable one to boot. Ice queen they called me - The guys - AND I would not relate the stories of what I would go through if/when I melted. Touché!
I do like to have fun, however, THIS WOMAN and THE GIRL SHE WAS BACK THEN likes to have good, clean, uncomplicated, without hurt to anyone, fun! Growing up my grandmother would shout out to us, "play ball take rubbers!" It meant in a game of rounders / dodge ball, and you didn't want to be hit ... No matter how hard or soft ... Then don't play. Then especially if you do play and you're hit hard don't come complaining to her. Let's just say I didn't like being hit, much less hard, for one I bruise easily. Therefore, I dodged well. Pain and confusion is just not my go to cup of tea.
Now if all the other "players" (whether male or female) adopted this rule of conduct on the court ... We would all say what drama! However, it is some people's cup of tea. A good while back - fine - two decades back, someone who knew I was dating a particular guy chose to go messing about with him, and to this day gives the impression that I wronged her. So much so that while out and about grocery shopping one day, one of my sons asked with alarm, "Mom do you know that lady? ... she's staring at you funny." When I turned around to look, BELLY LAUGHS ... oh yes I did! Nearing Twenty (20) years later, that complex most certainly requires some serious reality check for sure.
Thing is, though I was overseas I was written to and phoned about this progression of events. I called and asked him if it was so and upon his confession, with valid tears in my eyes I said "Thank you, That's it, Game Over, I'm not playing." Some two years later the guy turned back for me at a point where we were renewing our friendship. Though he'd received the sharp warning of "anything more, I am gone" and agreed to this, for some reason, he back pedalled beginning with, "let's", "I'd like us to ...". I on the other hand, having been also schooled by the "once bitten, twice shy" academy, ran fast.
INDEED, it was a GREAT BIG GIFT that day MEETING HER, this girl who couldn't be recalled by my spurred-booted friend. As the laughter subsided some, we spoke of how much the idea of having a boyfriend or girlfriend has changed and what it now means to those who are now at the primary, secondary and college level and their parents (now us - yikes!). We agreed that it's best left to the years or maturity of mind when folks have a better idea of what they want and can assert that. Funny enough, dear dude to a larger extent shares this sentiment.
My added delight comes from the fact that with both of us in 268 at the same time, it made the world a lot smaller. I am proud of the women that we have both become. Prouder of the fact that we could both reach back and piece together a perplexing time and embrace the laughter that unfolded.
Fate would have had us meet after all - when the time is right! And oh how it was!
Now if fate could just throw the three of us together ... now that would be smashing, I know for sure, especially for two of us!!!
