As fate would have it, I MET HER!!!

"it was a GREAT BIG GIFT that day MEETING HER"
images © CANDID | Blaire R. Athilljonas 

It was an unlikely meeting for me that day.  Even though I'd tucked it away somewhere, that one of these days I'm going to meet this girl ... this girl who over 15 years later, he told me he couldn't recall who that might have been.   Yet when I was encouraged to turn back for him, he had turned back for her.  Ha!  

That was more than likely the corner stone of my foundation of thought that there is just too much drama in teenage romance.  Better to foster friendships, watch how people evolve and have your pick or say yes or no to who picks you ... Depending. :)

I mean after all it was just two weeks ago I said, "ok ... yes" to the guy.  How was I to know that this was to be followed by the frenzy of things heating up at home.  My sister chicks were already testing their wings on the boyfriend scene and things weren't all fantastic with the folks on that front.  You want to see parents of girl children nerves go to shreds?  Enter the opposite sex.  For some just the birth of a girl child turns them grey.

Now in a household where the parental queue up was pretty much four (4) on average, you can imagine how tense it can get.  Even though you would have managed to get one in your corner, there was still 3 to go.  Geeze Louise!!!!  Being the one usually last off the ledge, I was not about to have my feathers plucked from my scant adventures into lime and party land.   Factor in an aunt who seemed more than buoyantly over anxious to spill the beans she'd gotten wind of through a cousin, and anxiety is through the roof ... Mine!   No sah, I lettered him up saying we have to cool this.  This boat has to be docked at Friendship alley ... for the time being!  Who needs such stress. (wipes brow)

A girlfriend talking your earS off daily, especially when we all got off the bus from college for that walk through town, can wear you down.  So, turn back I did, per her wear down. Well the dude made his decision and I just thanked God that I was the wiser for not hanging out the banner as I'd observed the other girls doing.  I forged and delighted in my friendships.  This became way more than enough for me.  This also served as one of my personal lessons in trusting my own instincts.

Never mind the rumours that I had 9 boyfriends at once on the same college compound.  Seriously!  And live where?  Certainly not at #1x Farrell's Ave.  However, I can very well picture the scene of me standing amongst a group of guys - let's say 10 - LOL - while we argued some point.   Add to this, the mornings when I was pestered (think Greased Lightning) into sitting next to an engineering fellow or conceded to sitting across his lap when the school bus was full, as we journeyed from the East Bus Station. 

There was also that time during first year, when a group of girls from the commercial department (all from a rival girls' school) decided to try and gang me for daring to speak to the supposed boyfriend of one of them.  My "keep walking, I've got no time for nonsense" stance was already in stride when one stepped forward to tell me not to bother with the others.  She need not have told me.  That fella stood sheepishly by, quite taken aback, as we were just becoming acquainted.  Thing is, the guy - not even if he tried - couldn't hide the fact of who's company he was in as he was one of the few that stuck out like a sore thumb due to his height.  So truly what was their worry?  Innocence, I tell you!

So I held out.  Held out I did, for a boyfriend until I actually graduated college and then still sometime after that.  When I went out day or night it was either with a girlfriend or a group (girls or boys, sometimes mixed) and on my side just fun and enjoyment.  Other times I had the added body guard companionship of my uncles and at times I was theirs.  LOLS. 

Sure I had my crushes, mostly kept to myself.  Advances I received, were often told "nope I'm not interested in a bf/gf relationship".  Behind the scenes though, I stayed observant and alert.  Who IS/WAS dating whom, when did they break up, how many times have they gotten back together, hmmmm wait and see if they get back together.   

In all of this I was looking for neither significance or popularity.  I simply nurtured a very low tolerance for drama.  One had to be astute as to who the info was coming from 'cause maaaan, those guys!  YESSSSS!  Bingo ... Not me tarl - glad I did not get mixed up in that.   No triangles for me siree, no land mines ... as long as I could help it.

Then if you were of the beer drinking crowd and being a beer drinker was a way to prove your manhood ... Nope nope nope.  Being drunk / getting drunk was never ever my cup of tea, much less the stress and strain that came with friends (boys and girls) who were.   To date I am yet to see the fun in it.   I actually kissed a fellow once and beer (I think Guiness was his brand) was all I could remember, ... the overpowering smell of it.  That night he got the no, nothing further from me siree axe.  FRIENDS - laughs and all.  Years later he  told me just how much he admired me then and thought I was too "mature minded" (read here he wouldn't have covered much "base", but it was worth a shot)  for my age.  In my opinion, our idea of fun was just packaged differently.  #CrisisAvertedYouThink? 

I didn't even like the taste of beer then and would you believe that goes way back to my primary school days when I was offered some by a classmate.  Yep, someone got careless at the school fete while running the bar.  Just putting it to my lips proved it wasn't my choice of taste.  To this day I shake my head at the thought of how he managed to get it but will concede, "boys will be boys".  Aquiring the taste for it came sixteen (16) years later.  Can you say Carib beer!  Home-made shandy please and thank you.

Post ASC, some friends and I ended up in NY at the same time, along with one of my gal-pal cousins.  We rolled out the same way we did in Antigua.  They were great guys who brought their home training abroad.  Often times we arranged meetups to stroll Manhattan or go to the movies.  They met us either at the train station closest to our place - mind you, we're not staying in the same county - or at the theatre.  Let's say Queens to Bronx.  When our lime was over they took us back, sometimes walking us up to our Apartment.  We being equally concerned for their safety and having also packed our home training, admonished them to call us when they got in.  Lol ... Sometimes 2 hours later while we are all tucked in and snuggled in bed we would get the call that they just got in.  Chivalry was still then very much a high flying kite.  The days of this era had their high points for sure.  :)

Now this fella that is really THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE STORY, was state-side too.  We kept in touch on the phone with the occasional call.  He was in university with head very buried which we all understood considering his undertaking.  To this day I recall our exact last conversation.   Afterwards, he just seemed to fade more and more into the background as I sojourned to and fro between the US and Antigua.  We fell out of touch.   Completely.  

Over the years, whenever, I'd ask a then mutual friend about him, it would be expressed that he was still smarting over some incident that left me asking "whaaaat?" "Nooooo" ... "Laughs".   All inferences that he should get in touch with me or for me to have his contacts so that I could set the record straight, went unmet.   In all the years, I ran into him once at a wedding.   I dare say that this meet-up was somewhat marred by my trip down the rabbit hole (it's coming) for not much was said. 

But who would have thunk it, that over a decade and some later, a night run to the supermarket and there he was with these spurred up boots coming towards me.  SMH! That night, for a whole bunch of other reasons, is etched in the history book.  Surprised as I were (pleasantly so though), we exchanged greetings and I left him with his two buddies from ASC days who he was out with for the night.

Over the next few years fate intercepted and we navigated our patchy friendship.  As we reminisced and mulled over, dissected and hammered away at some events that marred the years, SHE came up jokingly as I ribbed him.  As I cleared my side of the fence, he threw his head back and laughed as I shook mine.  Oh yes, he was clever.  Yet I stayed sharp.  I just hummed.  A needle is best found in a haystack when you are not looking for it.

FAST FORWARD!  So, as I approached her to drop something off - I had a name, no face, I was put on to her by a mutual friend.  Her name rang no bells for me but I set off a whole heap of alarms for her, as apparently, there was ONLY ONE ME!!!   She asked "You're Leila Athill?"  A hint of something in her voice told me that there was more behind the question that had very little to do with my reason for meeting her that day.  I kept my smile being all cordial, I replied, "yes."  Now, she pointedly gave her name ... Zap, Nada, Rien, Nothing!  I shook her hand ... She mentioned his ... It quickly unravelled.  My smile turned to a laughter and I held her hand more firmly and longer - still laughing - affirming MY PLEASURE to FINALLY MEET HER.

As a good couple of minutes went by anyone seeing us would have sworn we were lifelong friends and in a twisted way, we were in some way already acquainted because of "him".  Imagine two school girls hooting and hollering out of breath.  US!  The world stopped!  It was also one of those times, where I was proud of myself for not being curious as to who she was back then. One guy pal did go on and on describing her but nope -- Blank!  On the other hand, I was astounded to have learned that she in fact had a lot more of an idea as to who I was.  Humourously so!

I take it, I didn't do so well at fading into the background as much as I thought I did.  Thinking back to that time period, I only knew of one other person with her name and that was at my high school.  To cross over to another school, would have certainly drew me a blank.  That meant drama and I much prefer a good laugh ... even if it's delayed 20 years later.

They were together.   They meant something to each other, meant more than likely much more to her - we being of the age that grew up on the "Ann of Avonlea" series - book and tv.  .. Meant enough to him, enough that he turned back for her ... Though at that age there are lots of unknowns - insecurities and other factors that come in to play - regardless though ... He turned back!

For me, as long as there was another "her" in the picture, even remotely so, I WAS NOT PLAYING.  I am gone!   There's  a wall, mountain, fortress you name it and an impenetrable one to boot.  Ice queen they called me - The guys - AND I would not relate the stories of what I would go through if/when I melted.  Touché!

I do like to have fun, however, THIS WOMAN and THE GIRL SHE WAS BACK THEN likes to have good, clean, uncomplicated, without hurt to anyone, fun!  Growing up my grandmother would shout out to us, "play ball take rubbers!"  It meant in a game of rounders / dodge ball, and you didn't want to be hit ... No matter how hard or soft ... Then don't play.  Then especially if you do play and you're hit hard don't come complaining to her.  Let's just say I didn't like being hit, much less hard, for one I bruise easily.  Therefore, I dodged well.   Pain and confusion is just not my go to cup of tea.

Now if all the other "players" (whether male or female) adopted this rule of conduct on the court ... We would all say what drama!  However, it is some people's cup of tea.  A good while back - fine - two decades back, someone who knew I was dating a particular guy chose to go messing about with him, and to this day gives the impression that I wronged her.  So much so that while out and about grocery shopping one day, one of my sons asked with alarm, "Mom do you know that lady? ... she's staring at you funny."  When I turned around to look, BELLY LAUGHS ... oh yes I did!  Nearing Twenty (20) years later, that complex most certainly requires some serious reality check for sure.

Thing is, though I was overseas I was written to and phoned about this progression of events.  I called and asked him if it was so and upon his confession, with valid tears in my eyes I said "Thank you, That's it, Game Over, I'm not playing."  Some two years later the guy turned back for me at a point where we were renewing our friendship.  Though he'd received the sharp warning of "anything more, I am gone"  and agreed to this, for some reason, he back pedalled beginning with, "let's", "I'd like us to ...".   I on the other hand, having been also schooled by the "once bitten, twice shy" academy, ran fast.

INDEED, it was a GREAT BIG GIFT that day MEETING HER, this girl who couldn't be recalled by my spurred-booted friend.  As the laughter subsided some, we spoke of how much the idea of having a boyfriend or girlfriend has changed and what it now means to those who are now at the primary, secondary and college level and their parents (now us - yikes!). We agreed that it's best left to the years or maturity of mind when folks have a better idea of what they want and can assert that.  Funny enough, dear dude to a larger extent shares this sentiment.

My added delight comes from the fact that with both of us in 268 at the same time, it made the world a lot smaller.  I am proud of the women that we have both become.  Prouder of the fact that we could both reach back and piece together a perplexing time and embrace the laughter that unfolded. 

Fate would have had us meet after all - when the time is right!  And oh how it was!

Now if fate could just throw the three of us together ... now that would be smashing, I know for sure, especially for two of us!!!

Echoes of Motherhood

"Why just read a book about tide pools?  We take it to the beach."
Georgina Saldana Jones @Montherhood/Home-schooling

Sitting at my desk on the 28th of April, a spark burst inside of me, from deep within my soul.  I found myself face to face with the question How do you inspire your children?

I cannot say this minute what necessarily triggered this. Perhaps it was the myriad of "Mothers' Day" themed ads - everywhere!  The daily texts from my mobile provider was enough to keep one overly aware.  The fact could be that I was really groping to find an upswing to keep my momentum going in the wake of my recently crashed system. Well, what do you know the question was more than a welcomed distraction.  All I knew is that I just had to keep going and anything that triggered my inspiration was way more than welcomed.

There were goals, objectives and production timelines to meet.  With the school year winding down (spanning two schools - a month to go in one case) , I had to stay abreast of what's happening at school for my three children: attend a graduating class meeting, figure out how I was going to wing a bumblebee costume for an upcoming spring play and keep a high schooler motivated to finish his first year strong.  Most definitely, this goes for all three.  This is what I've taken the time to mention.  It IS PLENTY!

Regardless of the fact that my system crashed on the opening day of the first test series in Antigua after 7 years, while I was chaperoning 4 children at the game - seems neither here nor there or was it in fact a sign.   Adding the rest of "what's happening", would be Whole-tun. Colloquially speaking - PLENTY TINGS AH GWAAN.

I have been blessed with an inspiring circle of women: sister mothers, mothering figures and as life would chance it, we often pondered on certain aspects of life, our children's lives and the changes that we see happening globally.  We often times come to one resolve, it will all pass.  However for the moment, we must make the most of what we and our children engage in.  We must be aware as much as we can of our and their surroundings and ensure as much in our power that we are all in a healthy place while carving out our particular niche.  Sometimes the pace set for us (due to our children's lives) and the pace we at times get caught up in pursuing our own goals or fulfilling the desires of others, would simply be defined as maddening.  The Solution - Pull Breaks!  Now!

I became really impressed to invite other mothers to be a part of this publishing.  Some were immediately excited by the question, thrilled that they were asked to focus on themselves.  Others were not keen at all for unknown reasons, while some reflected on the question but much preferred to keep their insights to themselves. Of those that I had follow up chats with, it was indicated that they simply did not have the time to spare - for themselves 5, 10, 15 minutes that may be required for a 200 word snapshot.  For some, the commitment plate was simply and understandably way too full.  Try keeping plans for an upcoming wedding organised, while studying for exams, atop mothering and work.  What a mountain to climb!  Every mother knows the major fiasco that can unfold when you just want to do this one little thing.  Turns out that I was not the only one being deterred by a crashed computer system.  Archer Girl, I got you!!!!

One of my very own Godmothers is fastidiously known for not having a spare second for herself.  My boys were recently amazed that she attended two Sunday services, both at cross country points from the other.  I remarked that one of her close cousins who now lives overseas, would not be surprised that she's the same way after all the years she has tried to talk her into going at a steadier pace.  With such a bent of selflessness there's no way she could be any other way - as long as she can help it.  She is without a doubt one of the women I tip my hat off to and do stand back with amazement and of course much bafflement as to how her undertakings are even possible.

The submissions received are for most a rare moment of a turning to self and are as penned by each contributor with the exception of one for whom I produced a cameo (you'll learn why).

Each woman's story beneath the surface captures the strength, heart and soul of women who triumph at motherhood everyday in their unique way.  I thank them for their contribution and the encouragement they will bring to other mothers.  Ladies you rock!  Have a Fabulous Mothers Day!

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Before I asked you, I asked Me...

Wow!  They, more than anyone or anything else have inspired me!
Raising three boys have certainly proven to be an adventure and thank God I love those.

Every day presents new challenges to see them from their point of view, to see them from mine and others and to ensure that a bridge remains firmly in place to keep them and me moving forward to the definition of who they are right now and who they want to be.

Me, seeing them in the now, is not acceptable to them, on some of the occasions when they may need correction and I have to stand my ground.  Gosh, I didn’t know that I could be this tough!  Somehow that “Balls It! torch” of my Massiah Farrell family upbringing, got passed while I was running forward and I’m just pressing to complete my portion of this long distance relay.

They’ve really caused me to not only grow into myself but to more wholly accept myself.  To at all times, meet me where I want to be before expecting anyone else to.  To stand up, speak up and stick up for myself, in short, to not be an easy pushover.  These lessons I want to be and trust will be of grounding inspiration to them. ¥

- Leila Athill – Because Love said Yes!, Antigua

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How do you inspire your child?

"You can do it!" always works especially when you take the time out to work alongside the child.  No child should be left behind because parents just simply give up or are too busy.  Our children are slipping through the cracks because mom and dad are too busy.  Keep at it with the child.  Encourage the child and do it with a smile.  God bless. ¥

Sandra Graham - Tutor/Director Back2Basics Academic Club
Parent of 2 Launched Young Adults, Antigua

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She's not done!  There are days when she thinks that she is, however she is not.  She is known to be not just an achiever but an exceeder in all facets of her life. She is one of those rare people who I would define as an Archer!

A regular day lead to an intuitive trip to the ER where she learned that she had to stay for an aneurysm surgery that would mark and mar the daily decisions of her life.

A few months into recovery and being guarded, careful and watchful she picked up her career.   A regular day, in what would be a regular meeting, highlighted one of the things that you will only know if you are walking the same road; that the headaches (everyday word for a not everyday feeling) would come out of nowhere.  It was one of the times that I thanked God for what I encountered and sometimes still do (yet thankfully not to the severity that she has had to undergo it) as I was then able to offer some guidance in the adjustment of her pace to what to this newer, slower, greatly different life would require and to what will for sometime be a daily unchartered course.

I am thankful without any definitive that can be understood, that she understands "how I felt" and "how I still feel on occasion."

Simple things do take herculean effort from the brain and IS quite an emotional, mental and physical drain.  What is often seen on the outside is the pretty - the effort and the pain of the effort, is seldom grasped.

Her fulfilled dream of becoming a birthing mother - of twins - is a miracle and testament of the strength and determination of the human spirit.  As she faces the daily struggle over the loss of her career and the hopes she had in that regard, She Inspires her twin boy and girl, a host of others and me, to be, feel, receive and appreciate the blessing of just being.

One health provider said to me in the midst of my own trial  "not because you are not wearing a bandage does not mean the break isn't there.  Most times this will be hard for others to understand. ..."  He's been right.  Being accustomed to going at a particular pace, she sometimes forget what she has to work with now.  As Dee makes her adjustments I and everyone else in her circle must remember.  More than anyone else, she has to be mindful even at times when she would rather forget.

As she celebrates her 2nd Mothers Day, I am brought to such a state of humility as I recall her journey alongside mine and the simple blessing of life since. I AM INSPIRED BY HER to face each day doing as much as I can with my every will and effort knowing with tears in my eyes and heart that just having my words flow together in a composition is a grand accomplishment.  Dee defines motherhood!

- Dee Massiah - Loving Life, USA
A reflection on her behalf by Leila Athill

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How Do You Inspire Your Children? How do you inspire your children?  While pondering on that question, another one pops up.  What is it to inspire?  Well there are several schools of thought including:  something that will arouse a certain feeling or reaction in someone; to exert a stimulating or beneficial effect upon a person; simply put- to motivate.

Parents have the potential to motivate their children.  This can be done directly or indirectly; intentionally or unintentionally.   Children look up to their parents as mentors and role models.  We help to shape, mold and modify their actions and behaviors.  The values which we instill or do not instill in them will go a long way in determining how our children think, feel and act.

There are so many ways in which parents can inspire children but today we will focus on just a few.  We must take into consideration that a holistic approach is important therefore in implementing our strategies we should cater to their physical, spiritual and emotional needs.  Give your children a reason to be motivated and to boost their self-esteem.  Avoid unnecessary criticism or negative behaviour.  Praise them for efforts made.

You can ask them to critique their own input or each other’s input on various matters and then you make the final analysis.  Simultaneously, you should give each child a reason to feel proud of himself or herself even though you may have to make corrections.  Always do things in a way that will evoke a positive impact or effect.  Constant criticism, insults or lack of attention can demotivate children.

Positive reinforcement is encouraged.  Children are very happy when they are rewarded or commended for their efforts.  For instance, if they are taken out for pizza for having a good report card, then they will make a positive effort to work hard in school.  Or if cleaning their room means going to the beach on the weekend, they will be motivated to keep it clean.  Show appreciation and encourage them when they have done something worthwhile.   Sometimes just a compliment will make their day.  They will be more confident and this will help to decrease negative behaviour.

When you are not pleased with something let them know as well.  This will help them to strive to do it better next time.

Children have different personalities and characteristics therefore the parents should attend to the child in the most appropriate way.   Entertain and encourage their questions.  Facilitate their critical thinking skills as well.  They will amaze you.  Let your children know how special they are and how much you love them.  They can’t hear it too often.

Bedtime stories are not limited to but consist of Bible stories in our home.  The children are usually very receptive at this time and they ask a lot of questions.  It affords the opportunity to instill good Christian values and to teach them right from wrong.

Teaching your children how to practice good hygiene is fundamental.  Covering their nose/mouth if they cough or sneeze, regular hand-washing these are basic hygiene principles which if practiced can help reduce the spread of germs or communicable diseases.  Littering should also be prohibited.

We have a refuse bin in our car so the children have learnt from an early age that refuse goes into the bin, not on the floor or out the window.   This took some getting used to but now, it gives a sense of satisfaction listening to their disgust whenever they see someone littering or if they relate how they had to teach another child how to cover their nose or mouth when coughing or sneezing.I usually smile knowing that learning has taken place.

Take the time to inspire your children.  When we inspire our children, they can in turn become an inspiration to others.

Kaye Tomlinson - Professional Nurse & mother of 3 primary school aged girls
Currently pursuing a nursing degree in Jamaica
away from home and the girls in Antigua ...

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I have inspired my children to be self sufficient.  At first I was a mother hen, but as my children have gotten older I have realized that I need to let go so that they can become independent women.

I was always doing this and that for them, until one day they began asking how they can help.  So I started with letting them clean their room and tidy up behind themselves.

By doing little chores, my girls have become very independent and now at 5 and 6, I don’t have to do as much for them as I use to. They can dress themselves, tidy up their room, help tidy up the house, wash up dishes, sweep, bathe themselves, feed themselves by making sandwiches or cereal and help in any other way that they see fit.

My girls have learned that in life you need to earn what you want. Not just ask and you received but work hard and you get good results. Now my girls know that getting 100% in school entitles them to good rewards.

My prayer is that they will become and continue to be very strong independent your ladies. ¥

- Sherry, mother of 2,  Antigua

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My Mom is a very simple person she doesn’t like to be put in the spotlight so to have her put into words how she inspires her children, proved to be quite challenging.  However; in light of the topic I will put on paper my observations of her and why she is an inspiration to others as in her own way, she will not be confined to just her children. :)

Mom was raised in a humble home with wonderful parents.  She attributes who she is and what she has become, to her mother and father who were always there for them.  She speaks of her parents highly; as people who never compromised self for fame or fortune.
Godly discipline and values were instilled in her at a tender age and church life was first and foremost.  God was thought to be the centre of her life and it was instilled in us and those around her.

She was encouraged to love family and be supportive of them.  The family home, no matter where they lived was always open to everyone.  Her work habits were always of honesty, integrity, hard-work and to be self worthy.  Very early on she let us know that father has, mother has and God blesses the child who has his own.  She spoke of being honest and telling the truth at all cost.  Manners takes you through life is her mantra.

Mom has always been a good mother and wife.  She has always been supportive in all that we do as a family; many times with untold sacrifices with only love as the reward.  Inspiration is her, without a second, minute or hours thought.  Mom has always encouraged us to put God first in our lives, to get a good education, to learn a trade or skill and to choose careers and mates that make us happy in life.

Mom is ambitious.  With a quiet disposition, she has managed to obtain a few things in life by working hard, being disciplined and putting away for a rainy day.  Her children all have benefited from her savings.  She has always encouraged her kids to align themselves with people who are able to motivate them, to choose friends wisely, to be helpful, kind and considerate.

Mom is a giver and is always willing to make sacrifices to those in need.  She always reminds us of how blessed she is.  Her house, like her parents, is always open to anyone who genuinely needs help.  Being very well respected by her peers, even though retired, is something that makes us her children proud of her.   They always speak of her good work habits and ethics, her leadership qualities, and her willingness to teach those who want to be taught.

Young people are always eager to let us know our mom is a special and wonderful person. She moves beyond her comfort zone to reach young people: offering words of advice, discourages them from a life of crime, encourages them to be ambitious, to work towards a goal and to make good decisions that may alter the rest of their lives.

Mom’s inspiration is not from riches untold, or un-spoken eloquence but simply because she is very humble and in the eyes of many it’s a rare commodity.

I pray and hope that in all things, I capture and release my mother's inspired wisdom as I now raise my daughter.  Being fully dedicated (read here decided not to pursue my passions until ...) to her school life, - and being presented with a very heavy Grade 4 workload - I used the only spare moment I had to assist my mom with her submission.  Here's hoping that my devotion and commitment, to whatever I take on, will be part of the legacy of inspiration that is captured by my daughter.  I certainly hope so. ¥

- Che - Diplomatic Aide - Philip James Family
My daughter IS what I'm doing right now, Antigua

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Today, I looked at my children, as they slept, as they played, as they were in their element, completely oblivious to the fact that they were being watched. As I sat there, I thought to myself how priceless this moment was, and that it would never happen again, this date, this time, would never happen again. 

Looking at life from this perspective, I got to thinking of the question Leila asked, How do you inspire your children? Here is my answer: 

By encouraging their creativity. My children love arts and crafts, I don’t know if it is the sheer joy of creating something or chance to make a mess! We sometimes, bring out the art supplies and I allow them to paint or craft something together. I want to inspire them to use creativity in their daily lives, not simply to paint, but to forge their own paths.

By allowing them to be independent I am teaching my children to be independent, by allowing them the space to try things on their own, the chance to solve their own problems and teaching them to clean up after themselves. I take a step back and allow them to do age appropriate things for themselves, but always ask their permission before jumping in to help. I want to inspire my children to take personal responsibility in whatever environment they live or work and also to be the captain of their destiny. 

By creating an open and loving space for them. Even at such a young age, my children do ask for “privacy”, when using the restroom. When they do, I simply walk out and close the door. My children are told that they are loved, but also shown that they are loved by giving them the right to their own body and their own space. This kind of environment fosters confidence in them. 

I want my children to grow up to be loving and also respectful of others. ¥

- Tenessia Hughes - Embracing the Dynamics of the Caribbean

Raising Children between Antigua & St. Lucia

----- As a mother of three children, the two oldest being twins, I am always eager to ensure that everything is split evenly; money, time and love.  My brain tells me that it’s impossible, but my heart tells me that with more than one child, the chances of one feeling less favored is a possibility.

As a mother, my biggest role is to groom them to be productive members of society, and for me that entails ensuring that they have a happy childhood.  Being a mother is not a job, per se.  It is a state of being, one that I take very seriously.

As the biggest and most important event that I have undertaken, my hope is that with equal gifts, they will produce equal results.

So how do I inspire my children?

I allow them to think for themselves.  I encourage them to envision their futures.  I allow them to err, then point out the errors so that they can aim higher.   I inquire about what makes them happy.  I inspire them to follow their dreams, no matter how many times they change because ultimately achieving happiness is doing exactly what one aspires to do. ¥

- Myra Francis, CEO of Francis, Inc. USA

-------

Adventure Time!

Leaving my Antiguan nest at the age of seventeen to join the United States Air Force, I was destined for adventure.  Basic training, technical training, and my first duty station were all very exciting experiences for me.  My career as a military photographer became my passion.

After only being in service for about two years, I got married and then six months later, I was expecting my first child.  Being an active duty couple meant that at any given time, my husband and I could be deployed.  This was a burden I did not want to place on my child so I separated.  My passion changed.   Living away from Antigua cost luxuries such as loving relatives.

I tried the traditional way of living but it doesn't work for our family.  Daycare failed my son when they allowed him to play outdoors on a freezing day.  This brought me to the decision to leave my new job as the electronics assistant and become a childcare provider.

A few years later, I enrolled my son in a private school and I was fortunate to get a job at the sister preschool.  Everything was fine except my son never seemed happy when I picked him up from school.   I kept telling myself that he would eventually like it and besides there was no way I could afford to stay home while expecting a second child and the public schools were overrun by bullies.
   
One day while dancing with preschoolers, I was notified to come to the office.  A million thoughts raced through my head.  Me? Why are they calling me? There he sat in the office...dazed.  After hearing he was injured on the playground, I was furious! I rushed him to the ER immediately where we were then driven to a children's hospital.  My son had a concussion! I felt so helpless and although I heard rumors of people home schooling, I couldn't do that. Right?

Not long after, it happened again. He was injured on the playground. This time there was no concussion but the principal dared suggest that he wear a helmet. That was it! With no plans or the slightest idea of what would happen in the next five minutes, my husband and I removed him from the school.

I began researching as soon as we got home.  Home schooling.   It turned out that there was a virtual public school and hundreds of Arizona residents had children enrolled.  I did not hesitate and a few weeks later, the free books, computer, and printer arrived.  I resigned from my job and a new chapter of our adventure began.  My son was learning so much.  Things I never knew until high school.  From Ancient History to Famous Artists of the Renaissance. I was impressed and he was happy.

We have moved since then and live in Okinawa now and continue to home school.   This time, I choose the curriculums that best suit my children's individual learning styles.  So we are no longer part of a school.

All four of my children enjoy spending time together as a family without the hassles of getting sick at school, the bullies, the last minute things to buy etc.  Now, if you're concerned that they are going to grow up to be weirdos who do not know how to socialize, worry not.

We meet with other home-schoolers on a regular basis.  We have the opportunity to not just read about something, but to see it in person.  Why just read a book about tide pools? We take it to the beach. I have also studied to be a teacher, which I am. I do not feel like I need twenty five students or a place in a school to feel like one. I have absolutely no regrets, the box did not fit so we broke it open!  I encourage my children to do this. ¥

- Georgina Saldana Jones - A 5'2", 102lb Home schooling Mom/Teacher, Japan

----

Today's mothers are endeavouring, achieving and have soared despite the fact that some have been widowed or lost children all too soon.  Imagine coming through a tumultuous marriage, divorce or relationship, a personal health crisis even a fledging career while having to keep it all together for the sake of their young children.  Many have held their wings quite close to their sides so they can be readily available to parents, extended family, spouses/partners and their own children.  Some have to face their challenges while changing home base every couple of months or so.

All in all, what all mothers come to know at some point, whether at the stage their abdomen begins to expand, when they can no longer polish their toes themselves, when the reality of the pain of childbirth sets in, or the careful steps of adjustments that have to be made after cesarean section, or when the breasts have swollen hard but the milk won't flow or when a nice 34B is no longer shelved on that aisle anymore, though for over 9 months the cup size exceeded the former 34B.  At whatever point of the spectrum ... What all mothers come to know tremendously is SACRIFICE ... Sacrifice of SELF!

Even at times when it's not intentional it's there ... Sacrifice.  Even in simply doing the best for your children.  Society expects us to.  Children expect us to and in reality there are those children no matter how old they are that expect a mother to be there and more there for them than they require of their fathers, even at times when they themselves confess that with their father there is a more agreeable relationship.  

There are those children, adult children, that expect a mother to shelve her life in deference to what's happening in theirs.  So where did it come from - this expectation that at times become a tragic expectation for a mother to always be there lovingly and protectively (regardless of whatever personal frustrations she may be facing or goals being achieved)  and never failing her children to have them only take flight to at times forget her very existence.

At times we become eager to see the fruit of the lesson(s), yet we must continue to nurture.  We must let them go so many times before they become adults and we must be ready to hold them (read assist in molding them) when they require us to.  Sometimes we may throw down the "oh now you want me" when the counsel of our words have landed on deaf ears, only to be followed later by the request for us to help right a wrong.  This latter from them takes courage and we must recognize this too.  Lessons are like that.  At times they are only cemented when painstakingly learned.  For whatever reasons, some children need that as their canvas to a forthcoming masterpiece.

Motherhood is as unique as each child is, which is why Mothers need to be allowed their firm (not harsh) parenting strategy.  When she smells rain, and tells you it's going to rain, believe her.  Siblings often times mistake "unique relationship" for favour, while screaming that "I'm different" to him/her.  What a quandary!  My children know that each of them is my favourite.  In case they may get it a bit twisted at times, I ask each individually to ensure that we are on the same page.  The verdict is in.  This is a sealed case.  Regardless of any nonsense they may whisper to themselves in a moment of self pity, the verdict is in!!  LOL

Out of this, I would wish every mother the time to embrace herself before asking or expecting anyone else to.  To be quietly confident in the fact that you do matter and that though your every effort may not translate to your children (or anyone else for that matter) the way you intended, that indeed you have inspired them in some enormous and significant way.  It is for you to bring home to your child(ren) that women/mothers are not to be taken for granted.  This begins with YOU!

In no way, because you don't see it yet or they don't get it yet, does it mean that it hasn't taken root.  A bamboo shoot becomes firmly rooted before it grows to an average of 45 feet above ground.   It is why we must then endeavour to ensure that we are more lovingly blessing our children than harshly chiding as the latter more often produces stunted growth.  They WILL come up in time .. and not everyone at the same time either.

This Mothers' day, I'm full of joy, though without my boys.  Consider it a divine twist of faith that coincides with  past sentiments expressed to have this day completely to myself.   I don't need them to overly surround me in tribute of me being their mother.  It's okay.  I got me!  :)  In fact, quite sometime before the advent of each of their births (prior to any known pregnancy) when their names found their way into my heart, I was already their mother.  My "state of being" was already echoed - motherhood!  I am DOING this!

What putting together this article and past years have emphasized, is that as a mother one has to be way more than prepared to face challenges alone.  One must know how to be alone and how to cultivate aloneness, for the day will come when it's not choice at work but acceptance.   I trust this acceptance will mark the successful launch of each child as he/she takes flight.
¥¥¥

It's Bedtime, where's the Sandman?

Most often it's a walk in the park,
 then there are times you need a remedy of  harmony.

There are lots of times that he goes off to bed without a fuss.  More to the point is the fact that this mostly happens when his two older brothers are going too and he would then entice them into reading to him. With them not finishing their chores on time or having the need for extra time to complete homework, there are those nights when bedtime is not just painfully labour-some  for him but for me as well.

On this night he was particularly troublesome and getting into everyone's way.  A glance at the clock told me that it was 8'oclock.  Aaaaah, I pulled the huge rank card "Well, that's it.  You know it's actually 8'oclock - bedtime!"  He seemed to accept defeat with much chagrin.  Knowing how he was, I pulled him in close for a special hug and an extra special kiss followed by "say your prayers".  Off he went with the promise that they will be in soon. 

The other two sat on the sofa finishing up some reading.  Somehow I could discern a faint whisper coming from the room, he was calling out to them.   Eventually, one by one they disappeared to his rescue. 

It was quiet.  So quiet that by a little after 9, I called out to the oldest brother, convinced that sound sleep had overtaken his little brother and learned how mistaken I was.  The middle child who cannot stomach too much of a fuss followed closely behind and oh no, the night monster gave birth.  I really really believed that I was not going to have one of those nights.  The one where at first it's a wail, then a scream "somebody come stay with me", "is anybody there?" "can anyone hear me?" followed by pure catastrophe.   I'm still in shock my bubble busted and I'm holding off having a tantrum myself.  

Can a lady just have some quiet time, especially for the last hours of a public holiday, Labour Day no less.

Reluctantly I got up.  I went in.  And standing beside the bed I firmly said,  now please it's 9:30, you Should have been asleep since 8.  that's a whole hour and a half.  He begun to wail. Boy can he waaaaiiiil!  I want to wail too!

"No come on," I said, "it's either you don't get a long enough sleep and still have to wake up early in the morning or I don't wake up early enough in the morning because I'm sooo tired and you miss the school bus which will mean that you stay on the porch as I have things I must get done." He realized I meant business.  He settled into his pillow, pulled the cover sheet up around him some more, sniffed a little, snuggled some more and relinquished the reigns.  While going out, I made him aware that the light was still on and should there be any screaming at all, it would result in lights out!

Grrrr it may seem a tad harsh, but please let me tell you, a 24/7 solo parent must to stay sharp to keep the squad well lined up on deck.  As my mother and grandmother used to say "nobody coming to run circles round me, you didn't come to rule me!"  For sure, these boys have made me sweat.  Thankfully it's not too often and by the time I ROAR they certainly will forget they ever did. 

It still remains unimaginable that getting up at half-past six the very morning, to set out for a 2 hour walk at seven (7am) that this night would find this child still up without a nap at all during the day.  I take it then that for his body, it was a power walk.  I'm thrilled he has the endurance, yet with school the next day ... Ouch.

There are two ladies that bestow!upon him extra doses of sweetness as they see him often at school.  He turns to mush too whenever they are around and have the nerve to declare that he only feels particularly bashful when he's around them.  However, I've noticed a third, hmmm make that a fourth.  If only I can bottle "whatever" to ensure the taming of the wail at bedtime when the sandman has been delayed.

9:35 he's sound a sleep.  On to wrapping up with "the twins" as he calls them and lunch prep.  Grr grr grr

10:22 finished drafting this piece ...

10:50 The twins are set and off to bed.

Surely this holiday must be renamed Rest Day with fines to anyone for disturbing the peace. Surely goodness and mercy shall see to this.

Unleashed - A Pet Peeve!

Sir Drake on guard duty 2001, just little over 2 human years old.

Okay folks it's summer time! TRANSLATION:  Lots and lots of children are home. TIE YOUR DOGS, HAVE THEM LEASHED when walking them and no those thin chains for a buffed and more than waist high dog do not cut it.

One son was rushed on the night of June 13th following a graduation exercise.  The graduate then rushed the dog, gave him some terse words and refused to back down.  Meanwhile, I'm running in heels towards a terrified and shrieking child who in that time would have put Usain Bolt to shame - the child not me - as he must have sprinted 6 car lengths in 5 seconds.  Added to that he was now cannon-balled in the middle of the road.  Yes, enter the big WHAT IF?  My presence of mind is now between calming him while heading back down to the car and saying prayers that this dog would stay where it was and not attack the other two.

After some time, the dog started backing away.  It, however, refused to stand down even after it's master called out.  You see it was being outmatched by the fearless one and it wasn't going to cower easily. The yard where the dog belongs is not fenced!   Now this got me real infuriated.  It really took a lot for me to not give the owner himself two choiced words ... Instead I said "goodnight, please tie that dog."

There's another yard right next to the school.  Though fenced, the dogs still get out as they are prone to find away when it suits their fancy.  You would think the common sense thing would be to secure the dogs during school hours or secure the fence if it's so much more important to the owner that they roam.  Here's a solution: buy a long chain so it can walk/run about securely INSIDE!

Going down to town last week, at the Buckley line round-a-bout, we were welcomed by a huge Rottie and some other huge mixed something.  There was another huge something between the gas station and the tire repair and two more going around the bend.  Children were already out and about.

Back in 2006 while on the job, a co-worker's children was spending some time in the office.  Sometime close after noon it was agreed they would walk home.  They lived in Nut Grove and had done the route countless times.  It wasn't an easy decision for them to go alone, yet it became a hectic morning in the office and the fussy children DNA began to show up.  Though torn, she reluctantly conceded.   Not too long after she'd resettled at her desk, in came some terrified children, one bleeding. They were met on Tanner Street by a dog who gave chase to one daughter who ended up falling as she ran into a car. Thankfully the man driving called and was kind enough to bring them up to the office, then transport mother and children to the hospital.  Yes, WHAT IF?

2007 a niece and a visiting nephew from the US were chased coming back home from the village shop.  They were in her neighbourhood.  Somewhere between the shop and home on the return leg something had changed.  The dog was in the yard when they went but was now out.  The boy being the elder told her not to run, just walk.  The dog began coming closer raising her fear.  She started running, the dog gave chase.  Dear cousin started throwing stones but the dog kept at it.  He started running too ... Yes, WHAT IF?

I myself have had the experience of being chased.  Walking home from primary school one afternoon with my siblings - a dog - must have been months old really - came out and started following us.  All would have been well had it not decided to pick me to try to warm up to.  I kept switching sides, trying to hide my anxiety as it wasn't my wish to come under the brunt of jokes for the evening.  I walked a little faster, the dog kept pace too.  I brushed, it went out and came back.  I couldn't take it any more, just don't like them brushing at my feet or licking so, unless I initiated the petting. We were just yards from home, I began running ... fast.  The dog too!  The siblings were laughing, at this point though I couldn't give a pineapple.  All I knew if this thing was chasing me a bite may well be in my future and that wasn't going to happen.  I wasn't going to be a willing participant.  I had my target set; run straight into the yard and into the garage ... full sprint on.  I would have exited through the back of the garage had not my grandfather who was just back from his farm been putting his cutlass through at the same time. Had he not averted his hand my shin would have connected with his always ever so precisely sharpened cutlass.  Pulling some fast breaks I also avoided the pitch fork!   "Girl, what's wrong with you?"  He soon got the answer for himself and "that damn dog" and it's owner did get a telling.  Yes, WHAT IF?

Then here's another growing issue.  As a renter I am not allowed to have dogs.  That's fine, I do not want one at this point and time.  Yet, there are dogs in the yard, pulling at my clothes on the line, pooping in the yard, knocking over the garbage drums and yep - you guessed -  the nerve to be barking or growling at my children.  Surely I'm not the only one peeved by this situation.   What IF?

SERIOUSLY PEOPLE, get your act together 'cause anybody dog bite any ah me children OR me will have a really hard time wrapping their head around the fact that I am indeed a dog lover.  Added to that, prosecution to the fullest extent of the law will be sought!  
#nonsense #growup #getreal #beresponsible.

They are FINE Politicians indeed!

Their squabbles
get on
your nerves! 
You REALLY
want to take
the lot of them
and put them
in a pile!

Do as much
as you can
to NOT
get involved.

Depending on
your day,
a good laugh
can be had
AT
THEIR
EXPENSE.
Otherwise,
it will make 
your stomach
churn
and
your head
spin.

Minutes later
they are
sitting
and
chatting
TOGETHER
regarding
all sorts
of affairs - 
domestic,
local,
regional,
international - 
and Grand plans
are made
with
a resounding
"YES,
let's do that!"

You are
amazed,
awed,
dumbfounded,
and glad
you stayed
OUT
of the fray.

SILENCE
ensues ...
utter silence,
they get up,
go off to bed,
the tick-tock
of the clock
on the wall
is the
loudest
NOISE
around.

You delight in
the peace
and
tranquillity.
You FORGIVE
the "goodnight"

they forgot
to give
as they
moved
AS ONE
to their
resting.

You pray
you won't 
have to
go through
this AGAIN.
Yet,
if the
positives
outweigh
the negatives
you'll 
JOYFULLY
embrace it.

CHILDREN!